We’ll be the first to admit that we were WAY behind the artisinal movement. Less than 12 months ago we were still using Tide detergent, Heinz Ketchup and Kleenex Kleenex. But then we moved to Williamsburg and all of that changed. Now I’m writing this on a hand crafted Apple laptop produced in small batches in a warehouse in East Williamsburg which might be Bushwick but like whatever because Bushwick is the new Williamsburg.
This illustration from NY Mag shows a lot of Artisinal small batch stuff you didn’t know you needed. But now you absolutely need it.
For those of you reading that are unfamiliar with Williamsburg, its the epicenter of America’s revitalization and therefore the most important place on earth. It also has sick sick dive and cocktail bars that all seem to be serving $1 oysters. (Williamsburgians care a great deal about small batch ice cream but care very little about decimating the eastern seaboard’s oyster population). As the NYtimes has so many times and so eloquently pointed out, everything that’s happening in Williamsburg should be duplicated all around America to revitalize the economy. If there isn’t a coffee shop/cupcake shop/vintage boutique/craft beer hall in your city, you need to open this. The barrier to entry is so low dude, all you need is like 2 friends and a warehouse.
Say what you will future President Romney and future past President Obama, but manufacturing on a large scale is not the answer to cure America’s ills. (Manufacturing is this thing that usually takes place in “Factories” which is an out dated American term similar to “sock hop” and “hand written notes”. Ask your parents if you are confused).
The way America is going to retain its position as the #1 global superpower is with baby batches. Not baby steps. Small baby sized batches of stuff. Everyone in American needs to start battening down the hatches and get their artisinal production on. Reclaim some wood, sew some duvet covers, reduce some liquid into sauce and for the love of Christ, open an etsy account.
Since we like to lead by example, we are starting a brand new Sussman Brothers branded venture with the Clinton County Correctional Facility, one of NY state’s finest and its largest Maximum Security prison. Located in upstate New York nestled amongst the beauty that is the American countryside, the inmates of Clinton County are turning out the best small batches of Pruno we’ve ever drank. For those of you out there who don’t read Lucky Peach, Pruno is toilet wine and it’s about to go underground mainstream which is the best type of way to go mainstream. It’ll be the LCD Soundsystem of adult beverages. So after much back and forth with the warden, we are happy to announce our new company which is going to revitalize America one small batch at a time. It is called…drum roll please:
Clinton County Correctional Distillery
Our first batch is a 2012 vintage with hints of bruised apples, bulk in bulk oranges, Sprite, wonderbread, Splenda and ketchup. At 14% it’s similar in alcohol content to a great summer rose. Perfect for sipping on your patio or fire escape it also pairs brilliantly with fish or poultry. They are retailing for $60 each and come in really cool reclaimed Gatorade bottles that are perfect for decorating your apartment after you drink the pruno. Each label is hand drawn and numbered by the inmates.
We are certified by the state of New York and our production facility is tossed every day for anything that could dilute the purity of our product. You could probably drink the product directly out of the distilling bowl it’s so clean in there!
We have to admit our production schedule is a bit shaky since our master craftsman has a bad temper and is currently in solitary confinement, but we expect to have another batch delivered by August 2nd. We are accepting online orders and inquiries now!
For more information and ordering please visit: www.ClintonCorrectionalDistillery.com