#Cookbookghostgate

The NY Times, for seemingly the hundreth time this year has reported on a piece of critical hard hitting news and is now being accused of not fact checking the story. (Who runs that place, Rebekah Brooks?).  If you’ve been choosing to read about wars or politics or economics, you may have missed that the NY Times accused several top celebrities, chefs and food personalities of using ghostwriters when writing cookbooks and online recipes. In fact they got several ghostwriters on record to say they do the ghostwriting. The celebrity chefs are outraged saying this is basically culinary McCarthyism by the NY Times.

And we couldn’t agree more. Between the slanted reporting on the egregious lawsuits against Batali to the juvenile coverage and outrageous claims that famed restauranteur Bobby Deniro is racist against white people, we are sick and tired of liberal news media jumping all over the greatest minds and faces in food and dragging them through the mud for no good reason.

Immediately after the accusations, the subjects in the story took to the blogosphere and twitterverse. And its been a boudin-bath. What has since unfolded over the course of several national news cycles is now being referred to as #cookbookghostgate and this. shit. be. divisive. 

So, like Woodward and Bernstein before us, we’re gonna get our expose on. And like Scully and Mulder…we know the truth is out there. And we’re going to find the truth…facts and fact checking be damned.

Whetting the appetite of our interest

We were ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED (bolded for serious emphasis) that the NY times article was inferring that Rachel Ray, Paula Deen, Martha Stewart and other food celebs do not write their own recipes. Wha….WHAA…WHATTTTT????? THEY DON’T WRITE EVERY SINGLE WORD ATTRIBUTED TO THEM? So says a group of publicity hungry liars by claiming they are ghostwriters (and therefore demonstrating they clearly don’t value their their own lives by going up against this culinary Cosa Nostra).

Upon hearing that these famous food celebs might not write every single word themselves, nervous thoughts raced through our heads:

-How do we know if it will work in under 30 minutes if Ms. Ray hasn’t graced the keyboard with her lovely perky fingers and hit upload of each and every recipe to RachelRay.com?

– How do we know if the butter ratios in Ms. Deen’s recipes are the actual proper amounts now? We can only assume that an ingredient list that contains  “6 lbs. of butter” seems correct. But we NEED to be sure that in fact Ms. Deen is writing the recipe herself while sitting at her oak dining room table on her plantation in Savannah. Anything else is just deceitful.

– How do we know if our guests will love our handmade rustic napkin holders that Martha Stewart just blogged about if in fact Martha Stewart is nowhere near a computer and is actually on a yacht in St. Tropez with P.Diddy exchanging low-security prison stories while drinking cocaine flavored Mai Tai’s?

The NY times seemed to have uncovered the filthy underbelly of food celebrity cookbook and recipe writing. But then from the gated hills of Malibu…a response.

Gwyneth Paltrow vs. Julia Turshen

In case you don’t know GP, she’s the editor in chief of poop.com (its like Groupon for really uppity white bitches who think Tory Burch is the Jesus Christ of womenswear) and most famously, a movie star who was oscar nominated for the role of Young Wendy in Hook.

So after the NYtimes writes like a billion word article about how GP didn’t write her cookbook and some lady named Julia Turshen did, Gwyn took to twitter and launched this viscious attack back at @nytimes:

Damn girl! GP be hurling twitter grenades at the liberal media!

Oh wait, actually that seemed like a pretty rational, logical and concise response with excellent grammar. (Girl can write, right?)

But the NY Times reported Julia Turshen is the ghostwriter! Now we are thoroughly confused.

So do we trust the celebrity married to a rock star that starred in our favorite movie Sliding Doors or some no name ghostwriter who may or may not even be alive considering she’s admitting she’s a ghost?<–(worst joke by far in this entire post). In the words of Detective David Mills “Who wrote the cookbook?? Who wrote the cookboooookkkk? Who actually wrote the cookbook?? You tell me. You tell. Who wrote the cookbook???”

Well, when you google Julia Turshen, her personal website is a .net. So without fact checking, emailing her or doing even a second more research, we know she’s a communist who is dating that KONY guy who masturbates on parking meters like some sort of sexual deviant version of Cool Hand Luke. There is no way someone with a .net would be enlisted by someone as .com saavy as Gweny P.

Winner: Gwyneth Paltrow

Rachel Ray vs. NY Times 

If you go to http://www.rachaelray.com/food_results.php?cID=1 there are 393 pages of Recipes. She’s also written dozens of cookbooks. She also has TV shows. And a magazine. And she makes public appearances. So, yeah, she has plenty of time to bang out a calzone recipe every 15 minutes for her website.

So do we think Rachel Ray writes all of her own recipes? Considering Rachel Ray is a cyborg that needs no sleep and runs on energy harnessed from the electro-magnetic radiation of studio lights and the glow of her ipad, we are confident the NY Times got this one wrong too.

Winner: Rachel Ray

 

It’s clear that the NYtimes should issue a full scale apology. The facts in our argument are deafening. The written word rebuttal tweets of the accused are a 21st congressional hearing in real time. “Ms. Moskin! Tear down that wall!”

 

*Max and Eli Sussman cannot be responsible for the content of this entire post. It was written by a ghostwriter.

original article: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/14/dining/i-was-a-cookbook-ghostwriter.html?pagewanted=all

They Draw and Cook. We chose and listed.


We were asked by the super cool creators of They Draw and Cook to curate a selection of recipes from the site’s vast database. We chose 5 meaty dishes that all sound incredible. Check out our curated list and hundreds more recipes beautifully illustrated by artists from around the world at www.theydrawandcook.com and buy the cookbook. The holidays are ah comin’ so pick up a copy and support these wonderful artists!

“Cranberry Souced Mix” DJ Max Blixx and DJ Sloppy Suss

In our family, Thanksgiving is about hanging out in the kitchen getting your cook/snack on while family slowly filters into the house. Considering we have in years past had a pre meal and post meal weigh-off, we are 1/24th Native American and it’s a kosher thanksgiving, we are far from conventional when it comes to the day of the giving of the thanks.

If you’re reading this blog, you are probs going out the night before Thanksgiving or as I like to call it “El Shitshow Grandio De La Meircoles.” {I am terrible at Spanish for purely xenophobic reasons not because I didn’t pay attention in HS}.  I cranberry relish those 5 min “what are you up to these days?” conversations with friends you haven’t seen in ages. I love $3 mixed drinks. I love getting dropped off at the bar by my dad in my 20s.

This is how the night is gonna play out for you: you are gonna take too many shots, have a lot of awkward conversations and probably get thrown out for trying to smoke weed in the bathroom of the bar. Which is why when you stroll in to your parents house at 1pm on Thursday and your mom is all like “Where have you been I called you 14 times” and you’re all like “Momz I feel like Martha Francois Garbage…please lower the volume of your voice bring me some sunglasses and a MeMoSa” you’re gonna need a super sick music playlist to guide you to the promised land while that booze kicks in. Which is why DJ Max Blixx and DJ Sloppy Suss are here to save the goddamn day per the yush.

Below we’ve crafted a dirty nasty play list with sing along classics. It will help you traverse the rocky terrain of being superbly hungover while still helping out in the kitchen. Blast it at volume 11 to drown out the pestering barrage of questions concerning the previous evening’s shenanigans.

1) Leo Sayer: You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

Yeah, that’s a white male.

2) Robin S : Show Me Love

You’re warmed up. Let’s sweat out some of last night’s booze.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwaxy3KCfgQ

3) Talking Heads : Cities

Slow it down some. Class up the playlist. You’re cool uncle peeks his head into the kitchen and nods with approval, continues to read The New Yorker and drink whiskey until dinner.

4) Queen: Pressure

The first “sing along” track of the CranBerry Souce mix. If everyone isn’t belting out “why can’t we give ourselves one more chance” they should be banished from the kitchen. It’s only gonna get weirder from here.

5) Yaz : Situation

You got all karaoke on that last track. There was some eye closing. It was dramatic. Now it’s time to get those feet moving. This song was invented for white people dance moves.

6) Midnight Star: No Parking on The Dance Floor

You can stop dancing to watch this music video because it’s amazing but this would be the perfect time to whip those mashed potatoes. Don’t even think of NOT dancing though. There’s no parking on the kitchen dance floor.

7) Sheila E : Glamarous Life

Let’s pause for some liquid refreshments before starting this track. We don’t want you to get dehydrated.

8 ) Annie Lennox : Walking on Broken Glass

Someone is going to sing the chorus of this into a wooden spoon. In their head they sound like Annie Lennox even though that’s impossible. But hey, it’s thanksgiving. Let’s get fuckin loose in this bitch.

9) Toto: Africa

This is probably the riskiest song we have on our playlist. We know some people will hate it and skip it, but based on the title, that would make you a racist. Ball’s in your court. You better start getting ready to harmonize “I blessed the rains down in Africa” for the next 4:33

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiARoBPnJpQ

10) Matthew Wilder : Break My Stride

Originally we weren’t going to include this, but just look at this amazing video. Would a guy who looks like THAT with THAT voice ever be famous these days? It’s like Mork got a record deal and then wore some leather pants. And the green leotard backup dancers? Amazing. And the band has 3 guys on keyboard. Excessive? No. It’s called the 80s.

11) The Outfield: Your Love

This is the closest we’ll ever get to putting a Journey, Boston or Aha song on a playlist. It’s an obvious sing a long song but thats the point. You and your friends and family in your kitchen getting drunk singing like idiots at the top of your lungs. You realize how lucky you are? In any Asian Latin or Arab country they ban ALL American music. Music is 100% forbidden outside of the US, Sweden, Australia and Ibiza. The rest of the world is like that town in Footloose.

12) Naked Eyes: Always Something to Remind Me

British people make the best music exhibit A.

13) David Bowie: Let’s Dance

Exhibit B. If God met David Bowie he’d be like “Hey, Bowie, remember that one time when you were Ziggy Stardust.” And Bowie would be like “yea” and god would be like “that was awesome.”

14) The Clash: Train in Vain

Exhibit C. If you asked a panel of judges which was more incredible: 1) a person fighting a 1/2 tiger 1/2 shark to the death in order to save a drowning cancer patient  OR  2) A photograph of Mick Jones under the covers, alone in a bed sleeping

The photo would unanimously win.

15) We’ll close this saucy soucy mix with Anything by Prince ever recorded but for lack of space we’ll go with: Let’s Go Crazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdEE5Ph4p3A